The last couple of months with M.E.

The last couple of months have been quite hard and also seem to have gone fast, though at times, when ill in bed for days, the time seemed to have dragged.
Bob and I went to Bangor for the day on the bus, we both have free bus passes and we had never been their so we thought we would go and investigate!
We caught the bus at 8.20am, I naturally fell asleep during the journey! We found a lovely Victorian pier which if it had been summer would have had little shops on it but hardly any were open.
Luckily a cafe was open for us to get a drink. It was quite a warm day but quite overcast.

 I had decided to have the last week of March as a holiday off work as I needed a rest and to try and do something else besides work and sleep.
We sat on the pier for quite a while, we had found a sunny spot and enjoyed relaxing and looking at the views.
We found a nice pub and had the best fish and chip lunch we had ever had.
Then we went a walk round Bangor itself, to be honest we weren't impressed, but I did find a Debenhams so I treated myself to some Lancome make-up!
We caught the earlier bus home as we had seen most of the town and I was getting tired.
The driver set off at quite a speed and I thought we would get back to mach earlier than we expected, about an hour into the journey home, the stopped.....and didn't start again! Luckily it had broken down outside a hotel with a beer garden, so we all got off and had a drink sat in the afternoon sun.

 Our empty broken down bus, we were delayed about an hour before a mechanic came and fixed it.
The next couple of days I wasn't fit for anything, but I didn't mind too much as I had had a day out. I was really lucky with the weather on my week off too, beautiful sunny days.

My birthday was the end of March and Katie and Bobby came to mach and stayed the weekend. On my birthday I went out with friends for lunch.Then went out with the family Friday night . I was told nearly all evening that I was nearly half a century!
At the beginning of April Katie and Charlie came to stay for 6 days, its a long time since I had a young baby with me all the time. It went very well, I had lots of cuddles and some good quality time with my daughter which was nice,think I was the first to bed every night though! Matthew also came for a couple of days, but he slept at Grandads.

 It was lovely having them with me, they went home on the following Saturday and I went to bed. It was a good job it was Easter Monday and work was closed as it was another bed day for me.
I have noticed lately that I have been having a lot of nerve pain in my arms and legs, which is very painful.
Three friends and I went for a meal at a posh restaurant, we celebrate our birthdays in March and April so on the Friday that was what I had planned. I was determined to be well enough to go to this as I had been looking forward to it for ages. It was lovely food and lovely wine, me and a friend had a bottle between us with our meal and by the end of the night I was a bit tipsy, so their was no scrabble playing that night. 

There is more and more in the media regarding people who are being declared fit for work when in fact they are not. I personally know of a case where the person has had a stroke yet they are being declared fit for work by Atos. People with M.E and similar illnesses are having a bad time of it with worrying what's going to happen when its their turn for a medical with this awful organisation that the government has put in charge. Not always do we present as being ill, I know myself that when I go out even to the shop, I try to look decent, if I'm not able to go to the shop I am lucky enough to be able to contact people who would go for me. So I am wondering when its my turn to go to this medical do I have to go as I am or do I have to make an effort with my appearance as I would normally do or do I not bother as I have read that making an effort and turning up in clean tidy clothes and hair combed and maybe a bit of make up goes against us...even though it would have taken an age to get ready and worn me out before I even got their. This whole new Atos system is wrong and by the amount of people that are having their disability allowance re-instated at appeal it is proven, but what makes me angry is the time it takes for the appeal and what the person has had to go through before the tribunal.
Yes I do think their are people that play the system, BUT not all of them and just because some people don't always present as disabled doesn't mean that they aren't.
Rant over!
I had to have new glasses awell in April, the optician thinks the M.E is affecting my right eye as it has deteriorated in the last 2 years. This appointment had to be re-arranged as the day i should have gone I was to ill to go. Also 3 times this month I couldn't go to work, I couldn't even get myself out of bed on one occasion.
On the 22nd April I stopped smoking, with the help of Champix tablets and I felt fine, it was lovely to smell my perfume all day long instead of only smelling it when I put it on. I lasted just over 3 weeks and because of stupid stresses I have started to have the odd one or two, I hate the smell of it, so I don't know why I have turned to it again. I am really mad at myself.
Last Thursday Bob and I went to see Katie and Charlie he is now 9 weeks old and weighs 12lb 5oz and he is smiling, again I had lots of cuddles, so many the next day I could hardly lift my arms, they felt as though they should be all bruised, but they weren't. Matthew came home from

 school and gave me a big hug too. I got back to my flat and had a drink and went to bed and I know I turned on my alarm for the morning as I had work the next morning, I woke at 3.00am and was up till 5.00am, I next woke at 8.15am, somehow I had slept through my alarm, or turned it off, i don't know, but anyway I was late for work and all day I yawned and made everyone I came into contact with yawn.... I wasn't popular...everyone went home feeling tired, I came home and went to bed, woke for a drink at 10.00pm then woke Saturday about 11.00am, Bob came to the flat about midday stayed for a couple of hours, I went back to bed after having porridge and some tablets, then I woke at 7.00pm and watched the football and ate some humous  and carrot and Doritos.
Today I woke earlier about 9.00am, after having a shower then breakfast Bob came and he took us to the market its a lovely sunny warm day, it felt nice feeling the sun on me, and then we carried on to Borth for lunch and a walk on the beach. Now I'm exhausted and I'm working tomorrow, so it won't be long before I'm in bed.

Me & my days in early March

Spring is my favourite time of the year.I love watching everything getting new life and growth. I enjoy watching the lambs running and jumping round the field, calling to there Mama's they want feeding. Also of course, I'm expecting my new Grandson, Charlie to arrive, Mother's day and also at the end of March its my 49th birthday. So I'm hoping that all this gives me some much needed energy.
March 1st, ST Davids Day, well I'm not welsh but I live in Wales, so I decided I wanted homemade Leek and Potato soup,(Matthew calls this Nanny's soup, he loves it). Bob came over and did all the chopping, we made loads so we both had some for our freezer as well as for lunch.
Also that day I had to go to the doctors, the new doctor at my surgery is lovely, a woman, I'd say in her 30's, modern and she listens and I don't feel she is rushing me out of their. She made an appointment to have some blood tests. The first question I asked her was "what did she think of M.E", I liked her answer, she doesn't believe people imagine they are ill, she believes its very real.
Later I played some scrabble on facebook, I had an early night as I was so tired and muscles were sore.
Friday was a good day, enjoyed work, then had to go to a meeting at work at 7pm. Afterwards we all went to a Pizza place, it was a planned, just happened and it was great, we all had a good time.
Exhaustion caught up with me by Saturday, I woke in morning for a drink and tablets, then slept till 4.40pm. Had more tablets a drink, then back to bed. Sunday was the same. No food,I hadn't the energy to prepare anything let alone eat it, no shower nothing except sleep and the odd drink and a few cigarettes. 
Monday I woke, stiff and sore and smelly, so it was shower first, its great having the shower, I have a grip rail and a step so its a lot easier for me. After the shower, I wrapped myself up in a big towel and had 2 cups of tea and of course a couple of cigarettes. Chopped apple and strawberries for breakfast, was lovely, then got ready and went to work, I was quite busy, managed to have pumpkin ryvitas and pate with some little tomatoes for lunch.
After work I was shattered again so it was an early night.
Tuesday Bob came over and took me to the doctors, for the blood tests. I hate them, after all these years I know I should be used to them, but I'm not, I get so tense every time, its difficult for the nurse to get blood out and I always end up with a bruise.
Afterwards we went to Newtown and had lunch together which was nice. I went to bed when I got back as I wanted to be awake for the football on TV,  my team, Birmingham City were playing Chelsea.... I watched it ....we lost!
Had an awful night hardly slept at all, with all the tablets I take I should be knocked out every night, but it doesn't seem to work like that, muscle spasms, stiffness in my joints, it was a good job it was my day off as I wasn't capable of much at all on Thursday. By Friday morning I was a bit better and able to go to work, I had a fresh fruit salad for breakfast, had a shower, then went to work. It was a quiet day, and at 6pm Cath and I went to Talgarth for a swim, steam room and a Jacuzzi which was lovely.
Saturday I woke and couldn't lift my arms, I knew my muscles would be sore from the swimming but I didn't expect them to be as bad as they were. Jon and Sarah came round for a couple of hours in the afternoon and we watched some rugby. After they left I had a slow walk round the town, it was a lovely sunny afternoon, one of those days where you feel glad to be alive.
I got a couple of pasties from the shop, easy for me cook, just put it in the microwave, was lovely with some HP brown sauce. I was in bed by 7.30pm, this is what gets me mad, in bed on a Saturday night at 7.30pm, not because I want to, I have no choice. I would love to be out with family or friends socialising, having a meal, or going to the cinema.... not bloody fair.
Sunday was another lovely sunny day, for me it was more tablets, a drink and back to bed, I managed to get up at 7.30pm, ate the other pasty had a drink and was back in bed by 9pm. Very pissed off to say the least!.
Charlie had been due to be born on the Saturday which was the 10th March, he wasn't and Katie was desperate for him to be born as she was feeling so uncomfortable and tired.
Monday, again in desperate need of a shower before anything else, then I slowly got ready for work, then had banana and strawberries for breakfast. Stripped my bed and opened the bedroom window, then went to work. Came back to the flat at 3pm and just lay on the bed for a couple of hours... or so. I woke just before midnight! Had a drink, a couple of cigarettes, made my bed, then slept solid till the morning. Brain fog and exhaustion do not go well together, so ended up spending most of Tuesday, another day off in bed. Then in the afternoon I had to get out of bed shower and strip my bed again. The sweats drive me mad, its like my whole body sweats.
Bob came over late afternoon, Jon popped in  for a while. Ate some ham and spicy wedges and played scrabble for a while, then made my bed up again, then got in it and slept till Wednesday morning. 
Wednesday morning was beautiful, warm and sunny, when I got to work I rang Katie as she was on my mind, she told me she was in pain with her back and could hardly sit down. I told her that i thought she might be in labour, as I remembered feeling like that. She didn't think she was as the pain wasn't that bad and anyway the midwife was coming out to see her that afternoon and she said she would tell her and ask what she thought. I talked to my friend at work and they thought it was labour too. I phoned her back and told her what I thought and that I thought she should give the midwife an hour then if she hadn't been then to  get an ambulance and go to hospital. Katie phoned about midday to say that she was 6cm gone and the midwife was taking her straight to hospital!
I phoned Bob and he came over and picked me up from work and we rushed over to Carmarthen....took us 2 hours, we asked the nurse to let her know we were there and then 40 minutes later Ross came out to get us and take us to meet our new grandson and to see Katie.

 Meet our new addition to our family...Charlie James Elliot, weighing 7lb 6ounces, born at 4.40pm 14th March 2012.

Not too good...payback for trying to do normal ordinary things

Bob picked me up and we went to see Jon on his birthday. He wanted Belt buckles for his birthday, a while before me and Jon  had been looking on the Internet and found a couple he really liked, a Union Jack and a Rare MG car one, this was from USA. He knew I had got him the Union Jack but didn't know I had got the other one, so he was really pleased. 
I was still hurting from doing to much the previous weekend, so I could only cope with staying about an hour, as I had to work the next day I needed to take my tablets and get  to get to bed.
I slept till 3.45am when I woke feeling like I had been run over, by back, hips and legs were so sore and stiff, the discomfort from this actually woke me, it took about 20mins of trying to move for me to be able to get out of bed, then as soon as my feet touch the ground, they feel like the bones are cracking and it really hurts. I tried some gentle stretching while I was up as well as having a cuppa and a couple of cigarette's. It was about 5.am when I got back too bed, didn't sleep just lay their gently trying to move every few mins.
I rang Katie the next morning when I got as the 17th is her birthday. I had given her a perfume set, the new perfume by Vera Wang and the body lotion, so she was happy.
Work wasn't too busy, which was a good thing as I was not to good on my legs and I was having a brain fog day, letters were awful, so many typo's, I even forgot what I was typing about lol. So I was glad to go back to my flat and rest, I ate some fruit took tablets, had a cuppa and a couple of cigarette's and I was in bed by 5pm and I slept solidly till 4pm the next day, that's like 23 hours and I don't remember waking at all.
Saturday night Jon and Sarah had a party for Jon's birthday and a moving in party, I went for a couple of hours, Sarah had done a lovely buffet, which was good as I hadn't eaten, in fact I think I lived on sugar puffs and fruit mostly that week!
Sunday I woke at 1pm and felt quite good  I managed to iron, 15 items in 2 hours, took a while but I was glad I had managed to do some. I washed my hair and Sarah came and did a pedicure and manicure . I love being pampered.
The next week I did too much, I worked Monday, went to a Conference in Birmingham Tuesday at Birmingham City football ground, which I enjoyed but the travelling and the concentration got too me, I got back at 5.30pm and was in bed by 6.30pm. I worked Wednesday, got soaked through to my underwear walking back to the flat after work , got undressed had a cuppa and a cigarette and got into bed. Woke up at 10pm with the shakes and the sweats, had some toast, more tablets, a cuppa and went back to bed. Thursday is usually a day off but I had to go in to work at 10.am till 2.pm because we had a computer person coming in to check all our computers and the net work. I went to bed at 3.pm till 6.pm I woke feeling like a zombie, put some sausages on my "George Foreman grill" and had a sausage sandwich. I do think these grills are great, I wish I had bought one years ago, so easy to use and no bending to put or get things in or out of the oven. I was so thirsty I drank 3 cans of coke in an hour. I had a bit of a wash and then got in the other side of the bed and slept till 3.30am. I woke feeling like I had been run over again, so stiff and sore, after about 20 mins I was able to get myself up and made a drink and had more tablets, tried rubbing my legs and shoulders only then to have my hands hurt. I had a couple of cigarette's and another drink, cried for about 20 mins, feeling sorry for myself, which then gets me mad at myself. I got back into bed about 5.am and just lay their till 7.am, getting up then didn't take as long because I hadn't been asleep in one position.
Friday I was quite busy in work with letters and case work, so I was very tired when I got back to the flat. I slept till about 8.pm and then had to get myself out of bed as I needed food and a drink. Getting myself out of bed is getting harder especially when I have slept for a few hours, it really feels like I have been hit by a car, I do know what that feels like as it happened to me when I was younger. I'm 49 next month, its beginning to worry me what I'm going to be like in another 10 years, hopefully their will be a cure by then and we will all have our lives back.
I went back to bed about 10pm as Cath and I were going to Shrewsbury on the train and she was calling for me at 9.30am.
We had a lovely day, I bought myself a dress and one of those body shaper things from Marks and Spencers, we had a look in a couple of shops, then we went to the sports bar and had lunch and waited for the rugby to start. England and Wales, was a good match, but England lost. Caths daughter and Jon and Sarah were out in a pub in Machynlleth and they wanted us to go for a drink with them. Well we were both hurting as we got to the train in Shrewsbury and the travelling made us worse so by the time we got back to Machynlleth, we were both in so much pain, that we just both went home. I had a drink then got into bed. Sunday I didn't really see till the evening when I woke in agony, every joint every muscle hurt like hell even my fingers and toes. I eventually managed to get to my tablets, it hurt to walk, to sit and lie down, I took tramadol every 3 hours instead of 4, I just couldn't cope with the pain. I took some drinks back to bed with me and lay propped up with cushions and cushions all under my body to try and ease the pain. I fell asleep with the help of Zopiclone and Tramadol. My boss had texted me that she wouldn't be in work Monday and I didn't to let anyone down  so I hoped I wasn't like this in the morning.
I wasn't quite as bad in the morning, I was very stiff and sore but I managed to get into work, the walk into walk usually takes me 10mins on a good day, I know it took me a lot longer that day.
I wasn't much use that day, I could answer the phone and that was about it. A colleague offered to do my Wednesday shift as she could see I was struggling. So that was good, at least I could rest till Friday. By the time I got back to my flat I was in agony with my back , hips, legs and arms, also very fatigued.
Tuesday I was still the same and I had to go for a smear test at the Doctors. Bob came over in the morning and helped me and made some lunch. Then Bob drove me to the doctors, the nurse was lovely and helped with my clothes and getting me on and off the couch. The nurse was concerned and we chatted a while and she told me a new woman doctor had started. I made an appointment for March 1st.

M.E.& February family get together

February started with a lovely sunny cold winter's day, after all the grey wet days it was very welcome.

Jon and Sarah moved into their flat on the 1st Feb. It took me about 2 hours of stopping and starting to chop a few veg and put the ingredients for a sausage casserole into the slow cooker, but I felt I had achieved something by doing it. My hands and fingers were swollen and hurting like hell, but the casserole tasted lovely and was appreciated by Jon and Sarah.

Me with my "Dame Judy Dench" hairstyle. Yes its very short, but I just couldn't cope with it anymore being longer. After being in bed so much in January with it looking a mess and stinking I decided to go short!
I have a very hyper sensitive nose, it I almost feel like a sniffer dog lol.

Anyway after the casserole with Jon and Sarah  I went to bed as i was shattered as I had been working too.
I had a rude awakening about 3.00am with stomach cramps then diarrhoea and wind!. I spent most of the night stuck on the toilet!                                 
I was worried that I had poisoned Jon and Sarah but they were fine. I think it was a bug that lasted about 24 hours, not pleasant at all!. 
By the evening I was fine and I had a slow walk to Jon's flat, Bob was their helping to put things together and up. I left them to it after about 30 mins and walked back to my flat. Its about a 10 min walk for me to Jon's flat. I went to bed as soon as I got in and slept solidly till my alarm went off at 7.15am.
Friday 3rd I went to work, felt rough as I had not had much sleep due to muscle spasms in my legs, but I coped, sometimes I still try to go to work when I'm not too good as it helps to keep my brain occupied on something else rather than the pain. After work I rested as I had to go back to work for a meeting at 7.00pm, then afterwards a few of us went to The Taj Mahal for an Indian meal,was lovely too.
Friday during the night my legs were so painful I couldn't sleep, so I got up and stayed up till 5.30am, by then the tramadol had worked and I was able to sleep. I didn't wake till 2.30pm, then I had the sweats  and shakes! I needed food quickly as I was having blood sugar drops, so it was sugar puffs for breakfast, followed by a cuppa and a couple of cigarettes, tablets and then back to bed till 6.00pm. I got up for an hour or so, had a drink, a sandwich more tablets and just went back to bed. I hadn't got the energy to do anything else.
Sunday afternoon, Matthew my 6 year old grandson arrived at my flat, he had been to spend the weekend with his Dad, but couldn't go back to Carmarthen as Katie had been admitted to hospital as they thought Charlie was going to have to be born as he was in a weird position and causing great discomfort to Katie.
I got my bag packed, contacted my boss and booked a week off work then Bob took me and Matthew to Carmarthen the next morning.At Matthews bedtime he refused to go in his own bed, he had decided he wanted to sleep with me, thankfully in a double bed. Katie was better and their was no sign of Charlie being born so I came back on Thursday afternoon, which was Bob's 60th birthday, he met us at my flat, we all had a drink, then Katie and Ross went back to Carmarthen. Bob stayed at mine till about 6.00pm, when he went I went to bed, I was completely shattered. 
The kids were all coming home for Bob's birthday weekend, for the first time in 10years, since Richard's passing out parade for the army, we would all be together. I had been so excited, the excitement was making me tired!.
Richard and Kyrie arrived first.

Then Katie and Ross and Matthew.

 Matthew studying the menu!
Jon and Sarah live in Machynlleth the same as me.

We all met up at Jon and Sarah's flat, stayed their a couple of hours, it was lovely the kids were reminiscing about when they were kids, lots of laughs and fun. Soon we were all tired, Bobby had been texting he was travelling through the night on a coach from Aberdeen to Birmingham, then on a train from Birmingham to Machynlleth, he would arrive in Mach at 9.00am Saturday morning.

A very tired Bobby, he went straight to Jon and Sarah's flat and cooked them breakfast, then they all arrived at my flat and we went to Aberystwyth.
Katie had arranged to pick the cake up, I had arranged for the birthday balloons to sent to the restaurant.
After Aberystwyth I rested before getting ready to go out. We all went to the restaurant for 7.30pm.

Bob, my husband.

Our Children, Katie who is Matthew's mum and charlie is due soon, Richard in the black T-shirt who is in the Army, Jon, in the checked shirt, he is a mechanic, and Bobby in the white T-shirt, he has Cerebal Palsy and ADHD, he is a chef and at present working in Aberdeen. This is the first photo of them all together for 10 years.

Matthew and Bobby.

Katie, I love this photo of her. I can't wait for Charlie to be born. Think she will be glad too.

The cake...One of Bob's hobbies is scuba diving, as you can tell by the cake.

Matthew and Grandad, Matthew grabbed the diver and ate it!
He did the same when Bobby was 21, we had a cake made and the was a Chef on it, he grabbed it and ate it.

Jon and Bobby.

Last photo, all of us together.
We will all be together in September when Jon and sarah get married.
Matthew loved seeing all his Uncles together for the first time. We all enjoyed being together it was a wonderful weekend.


The ones that live away left on Sunday afternoon, however Matthew decided he wanted to stay with Grandad for a few days.




As you can imagine I was in bed quite early sunday night and i slept solidly till my alarm went off. I thought it was 7.00am, had a wash and washed my hair, then decided to make a cuppa and watch sky news. I couldn't believe it, the time was 6.15am, Matthew had helped me move my things back into my room from the spare room Sunday afternoon and he had changed my clock with out me noticing!
By 1.00pm I was struggling to stay awake, so went outside and had a cigarette in the cold air which woke me up quite quickly. Arms, legs and my back hurt by the time I finished work so I had some tramadol and got into bed for a couple of hours.
Bob and Matthew arrived about 6.00pm, Matthew thought it so funny that I had been up very early! We had dinner together then when they left I had more tablets and a cigarette and went to bed.
Tuesday 14th builders arrived to tile and fit a shower in my bathroom, so I didn't get a lie in, but atleast I will be able to have a shower now and they are putting a hand grab rail. I decided to go out most of Tuesday as I had taken water tablets and I wouldn't be able to stop the men working every 10/15 minutes. I slept well Tuesday night which was good as Wednesday I was busy at work. After work I saw Katie for a while as she had come to collect Matthew, then I went to bed for a couple of hours before going to see Jon.
Last night I didn't have a good night at all, my back muscles, were sore and painfull if I lay in one position for too long, my leg muscles were spasming, by 4.00am I had had enough so I got up and struggled to the living room and watched TV for an hour or so, had more tablets, a cuppa and a couple of cigarettes. I was able to get back to bed about 5.30am, but I was in too much pain to sleep, so I just lay there till 7.30am when I had to get up as the workmen were due at 8.30am.
Today is Jon's birthday, he is 25 at exactly 7.07pm and tomorrow is Katies 28th birthday at exactly 6.15am.
Happy birthday both of you, love you both all the world. XX

M.E. and the rest of January

First a  couple of photo's of Cath and me  when we went to the 12th night party.

Cath works with me at The Advice centre and we are also great friends. We went on holiday together last year to Corfu, we had a time.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Me ready for the party, we did have a large Vodka and Coke before we went. Behind me is a stunning picture of a family of elephants that Jon and Sarah bought me for Christmas .                                                                                          
Now back to where I was on my blog.


After our day in Shrewsbury and the excitement of
Birmingham winning 6.0 Sunday I slept.
I went to work on the Monday, half in a daze, when I do normal things like a day out it takes me quite a while to get over them, so I slept my day off too, well most of it apart from getting a drink and taking  tablets, it feels like a giant hangover, body feels like its bruised black and blue...... and that's just because of a day out.

Cath and I decided that once a week we should take it in turns and have a meal together, she is on her own like me, and we don't eat properly. So on a Wednesday that is what we have decided to do and its company for a couple of hours.

On the 19th I went to Tywyn with Bob and had fish and chips by the sea front, the days was a proper winter's sunny day. I took some photo's  I love watching the sea when its windy.

The fish and chips were horrible, but it was lovely to feel the wind and sun on my face. We had a slow walk on the sea front and I complained to bob that my legs were hurting quite badly so we sat in the car for a while.
When Bob took me back to the flat he put some Voltarol Emulgel on my legs helped me into bed, cushions and pillows under my legs, the pain was awful when I tried to stand or walk, it felt like my shin bones were going to break through my skin.I think I have quite a high tolerance of pain, but again tramadol was needed in a high quantity for me to cope! Jon came to see me when he finished work and he was quite shocked at the state I was in. Bob left me drinks and painkillers and the phone right by me on my bedside cabinet. It was an awfully long night, I hardly slept because of the pain and discomfort.
Obviously I didn't go to work on the Friday as I was incapable of even standing. Bob came back and spent the day at my flat, he went to the Advice Centre and borrowed a laptop for me so at least I could do something to ease the boredom of being stuck in bed for the weekend.
He made us a chicken salad and wedges on the afternoon, which was lovely, even when I'm in a lot of pain I still get hungry, more so though I get very thirsty, I think this is from being in pain which makes me sweat from head to toe, so before he left he made sure drinks were within my reach. Brenda my boss came to see me too, she was great and told me not to rush back to work, that's one thing where I am very lucky, my employers understand my illness, so many people who are able to work with M.E. don't have such understanding employers.
Saturday was horrible I didn't see anyone, Bob couldn't get too me as he hadn't got a car and well, people have there own lives to lead. Getting to the loo was a nightmare as I still couldn't walk without being in pain and it seemed to drag, thank god I had the laptop, it kept me from going mad I think!. Sunday Jon and Sarah came and Sarah cooked a lovely roast beef dinner and they kept me company for a few hours. We are all excited as they are moving to a flat in Machynlleth on Feb1st. Monday the pain started to get less, but I was still finding it difficult to stand so again no work. By this time you can imagine what I looked like and smelt like!! Not so good. So it was bath time, which I find difficult anyway. Loads of Epsom salts and lavender scented body wash, it felt like heaven once I'd got in it. I think I soaked for about 30 minutes then the palaver of getting out, I don't even attempt to dry myself anymore as trying to reach hurts so I have jumbo towels that I wrap around me. I do find that Epsom salt help my muscles.
By Monday evening I could stagger around the flat without much of the splint pain. So I took it easy and on Tuesday I managed a slow walk to the Bank and Library in the afternoon, it was slow too because I noticed elderly people overtaking me! I didn't let it upset me though, I was just so pleased with myself managing to do it! I also managed to wash my hair at long last in the kitchen sink.
I went back to work Wednesday, again slowly and I realised I had an hair appointment in the afternoon. I decided to have my hair cut very short, so after work, Cath and I looked at short hairstyles for women over 40. Well I found one, loads of images came up and I found one I liked, it was of Dame Judi Dench, so I printed the photo and took it to my hairdressers and have had it done. I love it, yes its very short but so easy for me to manage and so far people who have seen me say they like it!.
This weekend I have mostly slept, Jon has been bringing stuff to store in my spare room till Wednesday when him and Sarah move to their flat. 
I am so looking forward to February and March, lots of birthdays, my new Grandson will arrive and better weather hopefully.
Now I'm going for a bath.....take care everybody....and to let you know over 2000 page views of this blog, its great to know people are reading it

M.E. and January Blues!

January 2nd I started to feel better after the stomach bug, won't go into detail, but you can guess it wasn't nice.

I went for a walk and took my empty bottles to the bottle bank, their were quite a few, but I had had guests remember!

I felt sad and was missing my husband, I got myself into a state and was up all night and then slept most of Tuesday. When I woke Tuesday afternoon I knew before looking in the mirror I looked awful. So I washed my hair in the sink and ran an epsom salt bath.I enjoyed the soak but not the getting in and out. I will be so glad when the shower is fitted. The bath relaxed me as well as making me smell a bit nicer! I was looking forward to going back to work. I had a sandwich and a cup of tea, chatted to Bobby, played a few turns of scrabble and went to bed about 9pm. 
I woke at 2.30am! I was still awake at 5.00am, my body was hurting from all the turning over so I decided to get up. I watched the news for a while, then gave myself a lovely long facial with the Liz Earl skin treatments I had bought. I like being pampered and this felt quite good even though I was doing it myself!
I had breakfast, got my lunch sorted, ryvita and homous with some cherry tomatoes and was in work for 8.30am. I thought their would be loads of post for me to sort and lots of case work but their wasn't that much to catch up on. I opened a letter and I shook, it was a good job I was sat down or I would have fallen over. I was holding a cheque for £10,000 for funding for my job! I rang my boss and could hardly get the words out, it was so exciting, what made it more special was we thought because we hadn't heard before Christmas we had been refused the funding.

My cleaning lady had been when I got back to the flat, I know when she has been as soon as I open the door, the smell is wonderful and everywhere looks lovely.
Bob arrived about 4.00pm and my friend Cath arrived about 4.30pm we chatted for a while, then bob left about 5.30pn to pick up Jon. Cath and I thought about going out for a meal but decided against it as it was pouring with rain.
It has rained so much here, I think we have had only one day dry since I broke up for Christmas and I hate rain!
My back and legs were causing me great pain so it was extra tramadol and lots of rubbing the tops of my legs too my knees. I was up most of the night because of the pain, the wind was howling and again it was raining. I went to bed about 4.00am
Thursday morning I was up at 6.00am and my legs felt a bit easier but not much so it was more tramadol with breakfast and a couple of cigarettes! I went back to bed at 9.00am and set my alarm as I had to go to a meeting at work at 2.00pm.
After the meeting I came back to the flat and had a wave of loneliness attacked me. I had lived in a house full for years, getting used to their just being me isn't easy.
I was going to go to bed but I stopped myself, I watched some TV, I decided what to wear for Veron's  party.
I had 2 sausages and some salad for my tea and I really enjoyed it. My back started hurting so I took some more tramadol and went to bed. I didn't want to miss the party as I had been looking forward to it.
Friday morning i woke at 2.45am and I was wide awake. I was fed up of watching the news so i went on eBay and found what I had been looking for since before Christmas.... a fake fur black jacket and it was a good price £47 so I treated myself.
After that bit of excitement I went back to bed and slept till my alarm went off at 7.00am. I went to work quite excited, couldn't wait to tell my colleagues what I did in the early hours!. We were busy in work and I didn't get back till 3.30pm. Cath was coming to my flat and we were being picked up at 5.30pm to go to the party.
I sat down with a cup of tea and nearly nodded off! I hadn't even packed my overnight case!
I cannot rush to do anything so just plodded along getting ready slowly, by some sort of miracle I was nearly ready when Cath arrived so we had a very large Vodka and coke before we left!
The party was great had lots of fun chatting and drinking with other people and when we went to bed at 2.15am I was still sober!
I got back to the flat about 1.30pm on Saturday, had a rest for a couple of hours then Bob ,Sarah and Jon came and we had dinner together. After dinner Sarah waxed my legs and eyebrows and gave me a pedicure. I'm not the easiest person to give a pedicure as I'm so ticklish, and the  Peripheral Neuropathy in my feet means they are extremely sensitive to the touch. Bob and Jon thought it was a great laugh as Sarah was nearly getting kicked every time she touched my feet. They all went about 10.00pm and I was so tired I went to bed not long afterwards.
My body was exhausted but not my brain! I hardly slept at all, I cried because I couldn't get to sleep, I felt mentally and physically shattered. I don't understand why I go through this, I take sleeping tablets and tramadol amongst others and I go days without sleeping, but then I crash. I crashed Sunday morning about 10.00am, the next time I woke it was 8.30pm. I was like a zombie when I woke I had the sweats and shakes, blood sugar drops, so it was orange juice first till I felt okay and not going to pass out. It took me about an hour to sort myself out, wash, clean night wear  and some food, by then I was tired all over again so I got in bed but on the other side, I hadn't the energy to strip and make my bed.
Monday morning I was up at 2.30am for about 30 minutes I needed tramadol as the pain in my legs had woken me. I did get back to sleep and managed to go to work somehow, but was in agony when I got back to the flat at 3.00pm. Bob was their, I had some tramadol and baclofen, I managed to get into bed and he rubbed my legs, my muscles were so painful but the tablets worked and I slept till about 8.00pm got up for a drink and more tablets and cigarette then went back to bed. Tuesday is a day off from work which was a good job as I didn't wake till 9.30am, I was back in bed by 11.30am till 4.00pm and when I woke I could hardly move my arms, all the muscles had spasmed and were hurting like hell, I found the muscle gel and gently rubbed it into my arms, it was really difficult to do as my fingers had gone still and the muscles were very tender when I touched them.
Jon and Sarah came about 8.30pm they had been to look at a flat in Machynlleth and they loved it . They stayed about an hour I put some more gel on my arms and got into bed.
I woke about 2.30am Wednesday morning I was so thirsty that i drank a can of coke straight down and then had a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. My arms were feeling slightly better so before I went back to bed I put on more gel. 
When I woke with the alarm I moved my arms slowly and they felt a lot better, that gel must have worked! As I left the flat for work, it was frosty, a proper winter's morning, no rain! It turned into a lovely cold but a sunny blue sky day, the first one! Yes it was cold but it was lovely. Work was quite slow and after work I went to Cath's and we had dinner together and chatted for a couple of hours, we had a good evening. I rang Bob when I got in and we arranged to go to Aberystwyth shopping the next day.
We had a good day it was again a lovely sunny winter's day, I had brought a load of leeks and potatoes to make a soup so Bob chopped them all up for me. Then I made the soup and put lots in containers in the freezer for me and Bob.
Jon and Sarah messaged me about going to Shrewsbury on Saturday and asked to stay Friday night. I like Shrewsbury so I said i would go if I was okay.
So before I went to bed on Thursday night I half made the spare bed.Then I went to bed feeling fed up because I was shattered just because I had been to Aberystwyth and blended some soup!
Thursday night I slept for about an hour if that, I had got myself so angry with myself it kept me awake!. Bob arrived at my flat as I was leaving for work, he wanted to use the computer. When I came back from work my back was hurting, the muscles were in spasm, Bob tried to rub at the muscles but he couldn't move them, so it was more baclofen and tramadol.
Jon and Sarah came, we had dinner and  Sarah and I drank a bottle of wine!. I slept the whole night through without getting up!
I realised that I would be going to Cemmaes as Bob was coming to shrewsbury with us. I felt sick when I saw the house, I asked Jon if he would just go and get Bob as I didn't want to go inside. It was very emotional for me when I saw the house as I had not been their at all since I left.
Anyway off to Shrewsbury we went, Jon and Sarah so excited about buying things for their flat, it was lovely watching them, but very tiring, we were their for about 6 hours in all and by the end I was shattered and so was Bob. Sarah was having texts from her dad to say Blues were wining 0 4 against Millwall at Millwall, we couldn't believe it, then it was 5 then it was 6! Blues (Birmingham City) had won away from home six nil !! We were tired but very happy, we love football and we love the blues.

Christmas and M.E.

 Christmas Eve, I woke quite late. Sarah and Jon had left by the time I got up. Bob had been and left a card and a present. I read the card and the words made me cry, " To My Wonderful Wife" when I bought his card I cried when I read the words and also when I wrote on it " love you always". In his way he does love me I know,  but its not how I want to be loved and I feel that I will always love him, I cannot imagine wanting anyone else.
As you can imagine it was at least 2 cups of tea and a couple of cigarette's before I was capable of anything. I went to the supermarket over the road from my flat on got the veg shopping, wasn't alot really, a couple of carrots,a parsnip, a small swede, 8 sprouts, small piece of broccoli, a small savoy cabbage and a few potatoes.
In the afternoon my boss/friend, Brenda and her daughter, Zoe popped in to see me they gave me a gorgeous cyclamen its flowers are almost purple. We chatted and had a glass of wine, it was a nice hour or so.
It was the first Christmas Eve I had ever spent on my own, to be honest it was horrible, all I thought about was previous Christmas Eves, when the kids were small and how the used to leave gifts for Santa and the reindeer's and couldn't wait to go to bed. As they got older some of them went out with friends or they came out for a meal with us, usually to the Indian restaurant.
I couldn't cope with thinking anymore so I took my night time tablets with a Baileys and went to bed at 10.00pm. I slept till 4.30am then woke needing painkillers for my muscles, it felt like all of them had decided to hurt, it was about 6.00am before I was able to go back to bed.
Christmas morning their was no smell of a turkey cooking, Bob had decided he wanted just chicken breast roast dinner. So I got up about 10.00am put the radio on had a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. After I washed and dressed I started the vegetables, only have to stop for a while because my fingers and hands hurt so much, eventually they got done and I marinated the chicken breasts in slices of lemon and herbs.
I had a glass of Port instead of tea, after all it was Christmas, it was quite nice!
Jon and Bob arrived about 1.00pm, Jon had opened his presents with Sarah and he was very pleased with what we had brought for him. I nervously gave Bob his present from me, it was a beautiful brown leather coat, I had got it when I was with Katie in Carmarthen, Katie thought it was lovely too, so I had took the gamble and brought it. The gamble paid off, Bob really liked it. Bob's gift to me was a Bronze statue of a family of elephants, its really beautiful and I loved it. Jon's gift to me came in a huge long box and I hadn't got a clue what it was. It is a beautiful canvas picture of a family of elephants with an amazing colourful sunset. You may have gathered I love elephants! I have many elephant ornaments all made of different materials, an elephant cushion , I always have an elephant calender too.
Bob had to take Jon back to Tywyn in Jon's car, so then Bob could use Jon's car for a couple of days as Jon didn't need it.
Bob came back about 2.30pm and he helped me do dinner, I had done an extra chicken breast for Storm, my dog in Cemmaes, he loves roast dinners. We ate about 3.30pm, then had our Christmas pudding about 2 hours later. We watched a couple of films and then Bob left about 10.30pm.
I was awake till about 3.30am, then slept till about 9.00am. I was looking forward to going out Boxing night with Cath and her daughters and some of their friends, so I didn't do much boxing day, the weather was awful so I didn't even go out for a walk. Cath texted me in the afternoon to say that some of the girls weren't going so she wasn't going out. 
Bob popped in for about half an hour on his way to take the car back to Jon. Then Jon came for a couple of hours when he had took Bob back to Cemmaes, we had a good chat, watched TV for a while. After he went I pottered about the flat tidying ready for Katie and Ross who were coming the next day.
I went to bed at 7.30pm I woke about 3.00am had some tramadol with a cup of tea and a couple of cigarettes, it was about an hour later when I went back to bed but couldn't sleep.
I was having a buffet in the flat, Bob had decided he didn't want it at Cemmaes so their would be 6 of us in my small living room. Katie and Ross were staying at my flat for the night. I got up at 8.00am aching from head to toe, the first thing I did was take my tablets and painkillers, then a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. The flat was quite tidy, I had to change my bed as Katie and Ross were going to be sleeping in it. I find it quite hard to strip and make up a bed so i did this first before getting washed and dressed.
A ham had been cooked the day before, I had got some of the platters from Iceland, the Indian one and the chicken one so they could be cooked in the afternoon. By the time it was all laid out in my little kitchen it did look nice, loads of pickles and dips too and the puddings looked like chocolate heaven.
Jon and Bob arrived first about 12.30pm and Katie and Ross about 1.00pm. My gift from Katie and Ross was a new handbag and purse which I had looked at when I was with Katie in Carmarthen. My daughter is very good at remembering what people like and look at when shopping.
Soon all of us were eating, resting then eating again, then having pudding, some tried both puddings lol. We were all stuffed so we decided to have a walk, only the walk ended quite quickly and we went to a pub! Ross ordered doubles of rum and coke for me and him, it went down quite nicely and then we had another one! We went back to the flat then as Jon had to leave and pick Sarah up from work. Bob left then as Jon was taking him home too. Ross  and me carried on drinking the rum and coke! Its weird, I can drink rum and coke all day and night and it doesn't affect me at all, yet if I have a couple of glasses of wine I feel quite tipsy.
I had a real good sleep that night, didn't wake up at all!
On Wednesday we had another buffet and Richard (my eldest son, who is in the army) came with his partner and her son, the only member of our family missing was my youngest son Bobby. Katie and Ross decided to stay another night, it must be 3 years since Katie had seen Richard, so it was nice for them to catch up with each other. We had a good day and Jon went and picked Sarah up from work and they came back for an hour,so their was 9 of us in my little living room, but we managed and partners of my children met each other, some for the first time. By 9.30pm their was just me, Katie and Ross, Jon and Sarah had gone home and Richard had gone back to Cemmaes with Bob. Ross and I decided we would have some more food and a rum and coke! In fact a couple of rum and cokes!.
Another good sleep followed. 
Thursday afternoon Katie and Ross left and then I went back to bed. I loved seeing them all and chatting, laughing etc but I was shattered, so tired that I slept till about 10.00pm, then was up most of the night wide awake.
Friday, day time I didn't do much at all, my body ached and my stomach didn't feel too good. Richard and his family and bob came over for dinner, it was nice to get to know his partner and her son, we spent a couple of hours together and Richard rang a local restaurant to book a table for the next evening which was New years Eve.
After they went I started to feel more unwell and was up all night with a stomach bug, I couldn't even keep water inside me! My stomach muscles felt so sore and I felt quite weak. I managed to text bobby " Happy birthday" he rang to say he was unwell too, he had been so looking forward to celebrating his birthday in Scotland, it was such a shame for him.
New Years Eve morning I rang Bob to say I wouldn't be coming for the meal, their was no way i could go and anyway I didn't want to give the bug to anyone. So my New Years Eve was spent in the bathroom and in bed.
New Years day was much the same, Richard left to go back to Cambridge. Richard had brought me perfume, Lady Millions, which is lovely and a Calender with photo's of elephants, so the one thing I did was to put all the birthdays and events that I know onto the 2012 calender.
Last year was the saddest and hardest of my life, I do hope 2012 will be a better year, i know we will have a new Grandson, Charlie in March, and Jon and Sarah's wedding in September as for anything else, we shall just have to wait and see!
Happy New Year. XX