Not Accepting Me!

Going from  being able to do most things in life or to at least being able to have a go, to then being able to do virtually nothing a lot of the time, I think would make most people depressed. I was told "pull yourself together" that many times by people, family and friends, but I just couldn't. I couldn't cope with how much my life had changed and how much more it was going to change. I know I got quite difficult to live with, one minute I was angry the next I would be crying.I remember one time we all went to Focus in Newtown to look at paint and wallpaper, well within five minutes I had turned around and had us all marching back out, and was shouting"there's nothing I like in their" the kids just looked at me as though oh Mum's having one of her funny turns again and Bob just looked at me and then drove us home.I can laugh about that incident now, and yes it and others just like it are brought up in conversation many times. I was so angry at the world, angry at everything and even myself for getting this stupid illness.
I went on forabout two years feeling like this and probably driving my family mad.I was 31years old had 4 young children, I didn't want Bob or anyone to have to lift me on and off the loo,or to wash me and dress and undress me. I didn't want to spend most of my time in bed and being in constant pain in all my muscles and joints, I didn't want any of it.I Wanted my old life back, doing stuff with Bob and the kids,like walking up the mountains (well some are big hills), going ice skating, horse riding, just things that we used to do and the ordinary things like being able to stay awake, having a baking day with the kids,being a mum to them. We couldn't plan anything for weekends or school holidays because we would have to wait and see how I was. Sometimes I would see the look come on their faces when they were told "we'll wait and see how mum is", they resented it as much as me, but I always felt I was spoiling their fun, so a lot of the time I would stay at home while they went out. Those times were horrible I would just lie in bed and cry and get angry at myself again, but I always tried to make sure I was okay by the time they came back and be full of questions so they could tell me about their day.
I knew then that this feeling was getting the better of me and for my own sake as well as the rest of the family I decided to go to our local GP and be honest and tell him how I really wasn't coping in accepting this illness.
I don't think he was shocked, it was quite a long consultation, so I don't think I was too popular with his other patients lol. He referred me to a CPN which is a community psychiatric nurse.