M.E. and the rest of January

First a  couple of photo's of Cath and me  when we went to the 12th night party.

Cath works with me at The Advice centre and we are also great friends. We went on holiday together last year to Corfu, we had a time.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Me ready for the party, we did have a large Vodka and Coke before we went. Behind me is a stunning picture of a family of elephants that Jon and Sarah bought me for Christmas .                                                                                          
Now back to where I was on my blog.


After our day in Shrewsbury and the excitement of
Birmingham winning 6.0 Sunday I slept.
I went to work on the Monday, half in a daze, when I do normal things like a day out it takes me quite a while to get over them, so I slept my day off too, well most of it apart from getting a drink and taking  tablets, it feels like a giant hangover, body feels like its bruised black and blue...... and that's just because of a day out.

Cath and I decided that once a week we should take it in turns and have a meal together, she is on her own like me, and we don't eat properly. So on a Wednesday that is what we have decided to do and its company for a couple of hours.

On the 19th I went to Tywyn with Bob and had fish and chips by the sea front, the days was a proper winter's sunny day. I took some photo's  I love watching the sea when its windy.

The fish and chips were horrible, but it was lovely to feel the wind and sun on my face. We had a slow walk on the sea front and I complained to bob that my legs were hurting quite badly so we sat in the car for a while.
When Bob took me back to the flat he put some Voltarol Emulgel on my legs helped me into bed, cushions and pillows under my legs, the pain was awful when I tried to stand or walk, it felt like my shin bones were going to break through my skin.I think I have quite a high tolerance of pain, but again tramadol was needed in a high quantity for me to cope! Jon came to see me when he finished work and he was quite shocked at the state I was in. Bob left me drinks and painkillers and the phone right by me on my bedside cabinet. It was an awfully long night, I hardly slept because of the pain and discomfort.
Obviously I didn't go to work on the Friday as I was incapable of even standing. Bob came back and spent the day at my flat, he went to the Advice Centre and borrowed a laptop for me so at least I could do something to ease the boredom of being stuck in bed for the weekend.
He made us a chicken salad and wedges on the afternoon, which was lovely, even when I'm in a lot of pain I still get hungry, more so though I get very thirsty, I think this is from being in pain which makes me sweat from head to toe, so before he left he made sure drinks were within my reach. Brenda my boss came to see me too, she was great and told me not to rush back to work, that's one thing where I am very lucky, my employers understand my illness, so many people who are able to work with M.E. don't have such understanding employers.
Saturday was horrible I didn't see anyone, Bob couldn't get too me as he hadn't got a car and well, people have there own lives to lead. Getting to the loo was a nightmare as I still couldn't walk without being in pain and it seemed to drag, thank god I had the laptop, it kept me from going mad I think!. Sunday Jon and Sarah came and Sarah cooked a lovely roast beef dinner and they kept me company for a few hours. We are all excited as they are moving to a flat in Machynlleth on Feb1st. Monday the pain started to get less, but I was still finding it difficult to stand so again no work. By this time you can imagine what I looked like and smelt like!! Not so good. So it was bath time, which I find difficult anyway. Loads of Epsom salts and lavender scented body wash, it felt like heaven once I'd got in it. I think I soaked for about 30 minutes then the palaver of getting out, I don't even attempt to dry myself anymore as trying to reach hurts so I have jumbo towels that I wrap around me. I do find that Epsom salt help my muscles.
By Monday evening I could stagger around the flat without much of the splint pain. So I took it easy and on Tuesday I managed a slow walk to the Bank and Library in the afternoon, it was slow too because I noticed elderly people overtaking me! I didn't let it upset me though, I was just so pleased with myself managing to do it! I also managed to wash my hair at long last in the kitchen sink.
I went back to work Wednesday, again slowly and I realised I had an hair appointment in the afternoon. I decided to have my hair cut very short, so after work, Cath and I looked at short hairstyles for women over 40. Well I found one, loads of images came up and I found one I liked, it was of Dame Judi Dench, so I printed the photo and took it to my hairdressers and have had it done. I love it, yes its very short but so easy for me to manage and so far people who have seen me say they like it!.
This weekend I have mostly slept, Jon has been bringing stuff to store in my spare room till Wednesday when him and Sarah move to their flat. 
I am so looking forward to February and March, lots of birthdays, my new Grandson will arrive and better weather hopefully.
Now I'm going for a bath.....take care everybody....and to let you know over 2000 page views of this blog, its great to know people are reading it

M.E. and January Blues!

January 2nd I started to feel better after the stomach bug, won't go into detail, but you can guess it wasn't nice.

I went for a walk and took my empty bottles to the bottle bank, their were quite a few, but I had had guests remember!

I felt sad and was missing my husband, I got myself into a state and was up all night and then slept most of Tuesday. When I woke Tuesday afternoon I knew before looking in the mirror I looked awful. So I washed my hair in the sink and ran an epsom salt bath.I enjoyed the soak but not the getting in and out. I will be so glad when the shower is fitted. The bath relaxed me as well as making me smell a bit nicer! I was looking forward to going back to work. I had a sandwich and a cup of tea, chatted to Bobby, played a few turns of scrabble and went to bed about 9pm. 
I woke at 2.30am! I was still awake at 5.00am, my body was hurting from all the turning over so I decided to get up. I watched the news for a while, then gave myself a lovely long facial with the Liz Earl skin treatments I had bought. I like being pampered and this felt quite good even though I was doing it myself!
I had breakfast, got my lunch sorted, ryvita and homous with some cherry tomatoes and was in work for 8.30am. I thought their would be loads of post for me to sort and lots of case work but their wasn't that much to catch up on. I opened a letter and I shook, it was a good job I was sat down or I would have fallen over. I was holding a cheque for £10,000 for funding for my job! I rang my boss and could hardly get the words out, it was so exciting, what made it more special was we thought because we hadn't heard before Christmas we had been refused the funding.

My cleaning lady had been when I got back to the flat, I know when she has been as soon as I open the door, the smell is wonderful and everywhere looks lovely.
Bob arrived about 4.00pm and my friend Cath arrived about 4.30pm we chatted for a while, then bob left about 5.30pn to pick up Jon. Cath and I thought about going out for a meal but decided against it as it was pouring with rain.
It has rained so much here, I think we have had only one day dry since I broke up for Christmas and I hate rain!
My back and legs were causing me great pain so it was extra tramadol and lots of rubbing the tops of my legs too my knees. I was up most of the night because of the pain, the wind was howling and again it was raining. I went to bed about 4.00am
Thursday morning I was up at 6.00am and my legs felt a bit easier but not much so it was more tramadol with breakfast and a couple of cigarettes! I went back to bed at 9.00am and set my alarm as I had to go to a meeting at work at 2.00pm.
After the meeting I came back to the flat and had a wave of loneliness attacked me. I had lived in a house full for years, getting used to their just being me isn't easy.
I was going to go to bed but I stopped myself, I watched some TV, I decided what to wear for Veron's  party.
I had 2 sausages and some salad for my tea and I really enjoyed it. My back started hurting so I took some more tramadol and went to bed. I didn't want to miss the party as I had been looking forward to it.
Friday morning i woke at 2.45am and I was wide awake. I was fed up of watching the news so i went on eBay and found what I had been looking for since before Christmas.... a fake fur black jacket and it was a good price £47 so I treated myself.
After that bit of excitement I went back to bed and slept till my alarm went off at 7.00am. I went to work quite excited, couldn't wait to tell my colleagues what I did in the early hours!. We were busy in work and I didn't get back till 3.30pm. Cath was coming to my flat and we were being picked up at 5.30pm to go to the party.
I sat down with a cup of tea and nearly nodded off! I hadn't even packed my overnight case!
I cannot rush to do anything so just plodded along getting ready slowly, by some sort of miracle I was nearly ready when Cath arrived so we had a very large Vodka and coke before we left!
The party was great had lots of fun chatting and drinking with other people and when we went to bed at 2.15am I was still sober!
I got back to the flat about 1.30pm on Saturday, had a rest for a couple of hours then Bob ,Sarah and Jon came and we had dinner together. After dinner Sarah waxed my legs and eyebrows and gave me a pedicure. I'm not the easiest person to give a pedicure as I'm so ticklish, and the  Peripheral Neuropathy in my feet means they are extremely sensitive to the touch. Bob and Jon thought it was a great laugh as Sarah was nearly getting kicked every time she touched my feet. They all went about 10.00pm and I was so tired I went to bed not long afterwards.
My body was exhausted but not my brain! I hardly slept at all, I cried because I couldn't get to sleep, I felt mentally and physically shattered. I don't understand why I go through this, I take sleeping tablets and tramadol amongst others and I go days without sleeping, but then I crash. I crashed Sunday morning about 10.00am, the next time I woke it was 8.30pm. I was like a zombie when I woke I had the sweats and shakes, blood sugar drops, so it was orange juice first till I felt okay and not going to pass out. It took me about an hour to sort myself out, wash, clean night wear  and some food, by then I was tired all over again so I got in bed but on the other side, I hadn't the energy to strip and make my bed.
Monday morning I was up at 2.30am for about 30 minutes I needed tramadol as the pain in my legs had woken me. I did get back to sleep and managed to go to work somehow, but was in agony when I got back to the flat at 3.00pm. Bob was their, I had some tramadol and baclofen, I managed to get into bed and he rubbed my legs, my muscles were so painful but the tablets worked and I slept till about 8.00pm got up for a drink and more tablets and cigarette then went back to bed. Tuesday is a day off from work which was a good job as I didn't wake till 9.30am, I was back in bed by 11.30am till 4.00pm and when I woke I could hardly move my arms, all the muscles had spasmed and were hurting like hell, I found the muscle gel and gently rubbed it into my arms, it was really difficult to do as my fingers had gone still and the muscles were very tender when I touched them.
Jon and Sarah came about 8.30pm they had been to look at a flat in Machynlleth and they loved it . They stayed about an hour I put some more gel on my arms and got into bed.
I woke about 2.30am Wednesday morning I was so thirsty that i drank a can of coke straight down and then had a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. My arms were feeling slightly better so before I went back to bed I put on more gel. 
When I woke with the alarm I moved my arms slowly and they felt a lot better, that gel must have worked! As I left the flat for work, it was frosty, a proper winter's morning, no rain! It turned into a lovely cold but a sunny blue sky day, the first one! Yes it was cold but it was lovely. Work was quite slow and after work I went to Cath's and we had dinner together and chatted for a couple of hours, we had a good evening. I rang Bob when I got in and we arranged to go to Aberystwyth shopping the next day.
We had a good day it was again a lovely sunny winter's day, I had brought a load of leeks and potatoes to make a soup so Bob chopped them all up for me. Then I made the soup and put lots in containers in the freezer for me and Bob.
Jon and Sarah messaged me about going to Shrewsbury on Saturday and asked to stay Friday night. I like Shrewsbury so I said i would go if I was okay.
So before I went to bed on Thursday night I half made the spare bed.Then I went to bed feeling fed up because I was shattered just because I had been to Aberystwyth and blended some soup!
Thursday night I slept for about an hour if that, I had got myself so angry with myself it kept me awake!. Bob arrived at my flat as I was leaving for work, he wanted to use the computer. When I came back from work my back was hurting, the muscles were in spasm, Bob tried to rub at the muscles but he couldn't move them, so it was more baclofen and tramadol.
Jon and Sarah came, we had dinner and  Sarah and I drank a bottle of wine!. I slept the whole night through without getting up!
I realised that I would be going to Cemmaes as Bob was coming to shrewsbury with us. I felt sick when I saw the house, I asked Jon if he would just go and get Bob as I didn't want to go inside. It was very emotional for me when I saw the house as I had not been their at all since I left.
Anyway off to Shrewsbury we went, Jon and Sarah so excited about buying things for their flat, it was lovely watching them, but very tiring, we were their for about 6 hours in all and by the end I was shattered and so was Bob. Sarah was having texts from her dad to say Blues were wining 0 4 against Millwall at Millwall, we couldn't believe it, then it was 5 then it was 6! Blues (Birmingham City) had won away from home six nil !! We were tired but very happy, we love football and we love the blues.

Christmas and M.E.

 Christmas Eve, I woke quite late. Sarah and Jon had left by the time I got up. Bob had been and left a card and a present. I read the card and the words made me cry, " To My Wonderful Wife" when I bought his card I cried when I read the words and also when I wrote on it " love you always". In his way he does love me I know,  but its not how I want to be loved and I feel that I will always love him, I cannot imagine wanting anyone else.
As you can imagine it was at least 2 cups of tea and a couple of cigarette's before I was capable of anything. I went to the supermarket over the road from my flat on got the veg shopping, wasn't alot really, a couple of carrots,a parsnip, a small swede, 8 sprouts, small piece of broccoli, a small savoy cabbage and a few potatoes.
In the afternoon my boss/friend, Brenda and her daughter, Zoe popped in to see me they gave me a gorgeous cyclamen its flowers are almost purple. We chatted and had a glass of wine, it was a nice hour or so.
It was the first Christmas Eve I had ever spent on my own, to be honest it was horrible, all I thought about was previous Christmas Eves, when the kids were small and how the used to leave gifts for Santa and the reindeer's and couldn't wait to go to bed. As they got older some of them went out with friends or they came out for a meal with us, usually to the Indian restaurant.
I couldn't cope with thinking anymore so I took my night time tablets with a Baileys and went to bed at 10.00pm. I slept till 4.30am then woke needing painkillers for my muscles, it felt like all of them had decided to hurt, it was about 6.00am before I was able to go back to bed.
Christmas morning their was no smell of a turkey cooking, Bob had decided he wanted just chicken breast roast dinner. So I got up about 10.00am put the radio on had a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. After I washed and dressed I started the vegetables, only have to stop for a while because my fingers and hands hurt so much, eventually they got done and I marinated the chicken breasts in slices of lemon and herbs.
I had a glass of Port instead of tea, after all it was Christmas, it was quite nice!
Jon and Bob arrived about 1.00pm, Jon had opened his presents with Sarah and he was very pleased with what we had brought for him. I nervously gave Bob his present from me, it was a beautiful brown leather coat, I had got it when I was with Katie in Carmarthen, Katie thought it was lovely too, so I had took the gamble and brought it. The gamble paid off, Bob really liked it. Bob's gift to me was a Bronze statue of a family of elephants, its really beautiful and I loved it. Jon's gift to me came in a huge long box and I hadn't got a clue what it was. It is a beautiful canvas picture of a family of elephants with an amazing colourful sunset. You may have gathered I love elephants! I have many elephant ornaments all made of different materials, an elephant cushion , I always have an elephant calender too.
Bob had to take Jon back to Tywyn in Jon's car, so then Bob could use Jon's car for a couple of days as Jon didn't need it.
Bob came back about 2.30pm and he helped me do dinner, I had done an extra chicken breast for Storm, my dog in Cemmaes, he loves roast dinners. We ate about 3.30pm, then had our Christmas pudding about 2 hours later. We watched a couple of films and then Bob left about 10.30pm.
I was awake till about 3.30am, then slept till about 9.00am. I was looking forward to going out Boxing night with Cath and her daughters and some of their friends, so I didn't do much boxing day, the weather was awful so I didn't even go out for a walk. Cath texted me in the afternoon to say that some of the girls weren't going so she wasn't going out. 
Bob popped in for about half an hour on his way to take the car back to Jon. Then Jon came for a couple of hours when he had took Bob back to Cemmaes, we had a good chat, watched TV for a while. After he went I pottered about the flat tidying ready for Katie and Ross who were coming the next day.
I went to bed at 7.30pm I woke about 3.00am had some tramadol with a cup of tea and a couple of cigarettes, it was about an hour later when I went back to bed but couldn't sleep.
I was having a buffet in the flat, Bob had decided he didn't want it at Cemmaes so their would be 6 of us in my small living room. Katie and Ross were staying at my flat for the night. I got up at 8.00am aching from head to toe, the first thing I did was take my tablets and painkillers, then a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. The flat was quite tidy, I had to change my bed as Katie and Ross were going to be sleeping in it. I find it quite hard to strip and make up a bed so i did this first before getting washed and dressed.
A ham had been cooked the day before, I had got some of the platters from Iceland, the Indian one and the chicken one so they could be cooked in the afternoon. By the time it was all laid out in my little kitchen it did look nice, loads of pickles and dips too and the puddings looked like chocolate heaven.
Jon and Bob arrived first about 12.30pm and Katie and Ross about 1.00pm. My gift from Katie and Ross was a new handbag and purse which I had looked at when I was with Katie in Carmarthen. My daughter is very good at remembering what people like and look at when shopping.
Soon all of us were eating, resting then eating again, then having pudding, some tried both puddings lol. We were all stuffed so we decided to have a walk, only the walk ended quite quickly and we went to a pub! Ross ordered doubles of rum and coke for me and him, it went down quite nicely and then we had another one! We went back to the flat then as Jon had to leave and pick Sarah up from work. Bob left then as Jon was taking him home too. Ross  and me carried on drinking the rum and coke! Its weird, I can drink rum and coke all day and night and it doesn't affect me at all, yet if I have a couple of glasses of wine I feel quite tipsy.
I had a real good sleep that night, didn't wake up at all!
On Wednesday we had another buffet and Richard (my eldest son, who is in the army) came with his partner and her son, the only member of our family missing was my youngest son Bobby. Katie and Ross decided to stay another night, it must be 3 years since Katie had seen Richard, so it was nice for them to catch up with each other. We had a good day and Jon went and picked Sarah up from work and they came back for an hour,so their was 9 of us in my little living room, but we managed and partners of my children met each other, some for the first time. By 9.30pm their was just me, Katie and Ross, Jon and Sarah had gone home and Richard had gone back to Cemmaes with Bob. Ross and I decided we would have some more food and a rum and coke! In fact a couple of rum and cokes!.
Another good sleep followed. 
Thursday afternoon Katie and Ross left and then I went back to bed. I loved seeing them all and chatting, laughing etc but I was shattered, so tired that I slept till about 10.00pm, then was up most of the night wide awake.
Friday, day time I didn't do much at all, my body ached and my stomach didn't feel too good. Richard and his family and bob came over for dinner, it was nice to get to know his partner and her son, we spent a couple of hours together and Richard rang a local restaurant to book a table for the next evening which was New years Eve.
After they went I started to feel more unwell and was up all night with a stomach bug, I couldn't even keep water inside me! My stomach muscles felt so sore and I felt quite weak. I managed to text bobby " Happy birthday" he rang to say he was unwell too, he had been so looking forward to celebrating his birthday in Scotland, it was such a shame for him.
New Years Eve morning I rang Bob to say I wouldn't be coming for the meal, their was no way i could go and anyway I didn't want to give the bug to anyone. So my New Years Eve was spent in the bathroom and in bed.
New Years day was much the same, Richard left to go back to Cambridge. Richard had brought me perfume, Lady Millions, which is lovely and a Calender with photo's of elephants, so the one thing I did was to put all the birthdays and events that I know onto the 2012 calender.
Last year was the saddest and hardest of my life, I do hope 2012 will be a better year, i know we will have a new Grandson, Charlie in March, and Jon and Sarah's wedding in September as for anything else, we shall just have to wait and see!
Happy New Year. XX