Christmas Eve, I woke quite late. Sarah and Jon had left by the time I got up. Bob had been and left a card and a present. I read the card and the words made me cry, " To My Wonderful Wife" when I bought his card I cried when I read the words and also when I wrote on it " love you always". In his way he does love me I know, but its not how I want to be loved and I feel that I will always love him, I cannot imagine wanting anyone else.
As you can imagine it was at least 2 cups of tea and a couple of cigarette's before I was capable of anything. I went to the supermarket over the road from my flat on got the veg shopping, wasn't alot really, a couple of carrots,a parsnip, a small swede, 8 sprouts, small piece of broccoli, a small savoy cabbage and a few potatoes.
In the afternoon my boss/friend, Brenda and her daughter, Zoe popped in to see me they gave me a gorgeous cyclamen its flowers are almost purple. We chatted and had a glass of wine, it was a nice hour or so.
It was the first Christmas Eve I had ever spent on my own, to be honest it was horrible, all I thought about was previous Christmas Eves, when the kids were small and how the used to leave gifts for Santa and the reindeer's and couldn't wait to go to bed. As they got older some of them went out with friends or they came out for a meal with us, usually to the Indian restaurant.
I couldn't cope with thinking anymore so I took my night time tablets with a Baileys and went to bed at 10.00pm. I slept till 4.30am then woke needing painkillers for my muscles, it felt like all of them had decided to hurt, it was about 6.00am before I was able to go back to bed.
Christmas morning their was no smell of a turkey cooking, Bob had decided he wanted just chicken breast roast dinner. So I got up about 10.00am put the radio on had a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. After I washed and dressed I started the vegetables, only have to stop for a while because my fingers and hands hurt so much, eventually they got done and I marinated the chicken breasts in slices of lemon and herbs.
I had a glass of Port instead of tea, after all it was Christmas, it was quite nice!
Jon and Bob arrived about 1.00pm, Jon had opened his presents with Sarah and he was very pleased with what we had brought for him. I nervously gave Bob his present from me, it was a beautiful brown leather coat, I had got it when I was with Katie in Carmarthen, Katie thought it was lovely too, so I had took the gamble and brought it. The gamble paid off, Bob really liked it. Bob's gift to me was a Bronze statue of a family of elephants, its really beautiful and I loved it. Jon's gift to me came in a huge long box and I hadn't got a clue what it was. It is a beautiful canvas picture of a family of elephants with an amazing colourful sunset. You may have gathered I love elephants! I have many elephant ornaments all made of different materials, an elephant cushion , I always have an elephant calender too.
Bob had to take Jon back to Tywyn in Jon's car, so then Bob could use Jon's car for a couple of days as Jon didn't need it.
Bob came back about 2.30pm and he helped me do dinner, I had done an extra chicken breast for Storm, my dog in Cemmaes, he loves roast dinners. We ate about 3.30pm, then had our Christmas pudding about 2 hours later. We watched a couple of films and then Bob left about 10.30pm.
I was awake till about 3.30am, then slept till about 9.00am. I was looking forward to going out Boxing night with Cath and her daughters and some of their friends, so I didn't do much boxing day, the weather was awful so I didn't even go out for a walk. Cath texted me in the afternoon to say that some of the girls weren't going so she wasn't going out.
Bob popped in for about half an hour on his way to take the car back to Jon. Then Jon came for a couple of hours when he had took Bob back to Cemmaes, we had a good chat, watched TV for a while. After he went I pottered about the flat tidying ready for Katie and Ross who were coming the next day.
I went to bed at 7.30pm I woke about 3.00am had some tramadol with a cup of tea and a couple of cigarettes, it was about an hour later when I went back to bed but couldn't sleep.
I was having a buffet in the flat, Bob had decided he didn't want it at Cemmaes so their would be 6 of us in my small living room. Katie and Ross were staying at my flat for the night. I got up at 8.00am aching from head to toe, the first thing I did was take my tablets and painkillers, then a cup of tea and a couple of cigarette's. The flat was quite tidy, I had to change my bed as Katie and Ross were going to be sleeping in it. I find it quite hard to strip and make up a bed so i did this first before getting washed and dressed.
A ham had been cooked the day before, I had got some of the platters from Iceland, the Indian one and the chicken one so they could be cooked in the afternoon. By the time it was all laid out in my little kitchen it did look nice, loads of pickles and dips too and the puddings looked like chocolate heaven.
Jon and Bob arrived first about 12.30pm and Katie and Ross about 1.00pm. My gift from Katie and Ross was a new handbag and purse which I had looked at when I was with Katie in Carmarthen. My daughter is very good at remembering what people like and look at when shopping.
Soon all of us were eating, resting then eating again, then having pudding, some tried both puddings lol. We were all stuffed so we decided to have a walk, only the walk ended quite quickly and we went to a pub! Ross ordered doubles of rum and coke for me and him, it went down quite nicely and then we had another one! We went back to the flat then as Jon had to leave and pick Sarah up from work. Bob left then as Jon was taking him home too. Ross and me carried on drinking the rum and coke! Its weird, I can drink rum and coke all day and night and it doesn't affect me at all, yet if I have a couple of glasses of wine I feel quite tipsy.
I had a real good sleep that night, didn't wake up at all!
On Wednesday we had another buffet and Richard (my eldest son, who is in the army) came with his partner and her son, the only member of our family missing was my youngest son Bobby. Katie and Ross decided to stay another night, it must be 3 years since Katie had seen Richard, so it was nice for them to catch up with each other. We had a good day and Jon went and picked Sarah up from work and they came back for an hour,so their was 9 of us in my little living room, but we managed and partners of my children met each other, some for the first time. By 9.30pm their was just me, Katie and Ross, Jon and Sarah had gone home and Richard had gone back to Cemmaes with Bob. Ross and I decided we would have some more food and a rum and coke! In fact a couple of rum and cokes!.
Another good sleep followed.
Thursday afternoon Katie and Ross left and then I went back to bed. I loved seeing them all and chatting, laughing etc but I was shattered, so tired that I slept till about 10.00pm, then was up most of the night wide awake.
Friday, day time I didn't do much at all, my body ached and my stomach didn't feel too good. Richard and his family and bob came over for dinner, it was nice to get to know his partner and her son, we spent a couple of hours together and Richard rang a local restaurant to book a table for the next evening which was New years Eve.
After they went I started to feel more unwell and was up all night with a stomach bug, I couldn't even keep water inside me! My stomach muscles felt so sore and I felt quite weak. I managed to text bobby " Happy birthday" he rang to say he was unwell too, he had been so looking forward to celebrating his birthday in Scotland, it was such a shame for him.
New Years Eve morning I rang Bob to say I wouldn't be coming for the meal, their was no way i could go and anyway I didn't want to give the bug to anyone. So my New Years Eve was spent in the bathroom and in bed.
New Years day was much the same, Richard left to go back to Cambridge. Richard had brought me perfume, Lady Millions, which is lovely and a Calender with photo's of elephants, so the one thing I did was to put all the birthdays and events that I know onto the 2012 calender.
Last year was the saddest and hardest of my life, I do hope 2012 will be a better year, i know we will have a new Grandson, Charlie in March, and Jon and Sarah's wedding in September as for anything else, we shall just have to wait and see!
Happy New Year. XX
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