I love summer, love going to the beach, paddling, just sitting on the sea front with a bag of chips people watching.
It took till 2nd of June to get my Internet up and running, to me it seemed such a long time, their is only a few things on TV that I watch and a lot of the time I record things for when I am feeling better, I have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time, which can be really annoying especially if its a drama with a good plot.
Bob and I were okay, as long as I didn't bring up our relationship, we are quite civil, its like we are friends not husband and wife.
Friends, Bob and the kids pop in, they know just to ring the bell and walk in so that I don't have to go all the way downstairs to let them in.
June 15th was our 16th Wedding Anniversary, as the day got closer the more I dreaded it. I thought about having the day off work, because I just didn't know if I would be capable of holding it together. I made an instant decision, I picked my phone up and rang Bob. Their was a place that had been " done up" and I had heard great reports about it and had wanted to go for ages. So I asked Bob if he wanted to go for a meal. I told him that I had been getting really stressed about the anniversary,but he was fine about it and he wanted to go for a meal.
We had been to the local Indian 2/3 times which had been okay, the food is always lovely.
I decided I would go to work and I was okay, a couple of my friends thought it weird that I was going out that night with Bob but they just hoped I would be okay because they all knew I wasn't sleeping and that I hadn't gone a day without crying, so I had lots of hugs as we all finished work.
I love hugs, even if my muscles all over my body are sore and aching I still try to give and enjoy receiving hugs. Bob and I have a niece, she is 39, I think, she is lovely, in a way a lot like me, blunt, likes a laugh, loves her family and will go through anything for her family, except a hug! She is not a huggy person at all, and sometimes when we would all be together, I could see her dreading if I gave her a hug lol.I respect some people are just not huggers, so if I have ever offended someone by giving them a hug I'm sorry.
I will try and explain how my muscles feel, they feel like they should be bruised black and blue all over, this is in my arms legs and my back and my backside. They feel very sore to the touch, solid and swollen, sometimes I can't bear to touch myself let alone anyone else touching them. Other times I feel that I want to like kneed them, like you would kneed dough when making bread, that's when I want a massage, I do feel some relief from that. Sometimes when I text after sending a few short messages to the kids of friends my thumb really hurts and the muscle in my forearm starts to swell, this happens if I'm typing with my 2 fingers on the computer too.
I try to stretch my muscles when I can cope with the pain that brings, I also try to swim as this helps, but I just feel so exhausted and my legs feel like lead weights when I get out of the pool.
A lot of the time stimulating my muscles cause spasms, and believe me muscles in spasm are very very painful. Sometimes when Bob and I were passionate it would end up with me in agony feeling like I was labour giving birth to a child. After spasms comes the soreness and aching, this can last for days on end and does drive me mad from the pain it causes. Its not a pain that I can always ignore, this is when Tramadol becomes my best friend!
Anyway Bob and I went for our meal, The place we went was The Riverside. It has been modernised and its beautiful. The food was lovely, I had tears in my eyes all the way their I was okay during the meal, we just talked about everyday stuff, and I had tears all the way back. nothing was said about it being our anniversary. Bob came in for coffee then went back home to Cemmaes.
On Saturday 18th I was in bed till 4.30pm, we had been busy at work and I was exhausted, I don't just mean tired I really do mean exhausted, I knew I had to get as much rest as I could on that day as on the Sunday I was going for a meal with Bob, Jon, Jon's girlfriends parent's Chris and Alex to celebrate Father's day. I had not expected to be invited but Bob and Jon wanted me to go. So I hardly got out of bed on the Saturday. On the Sunday morning I went for a gentle swim and I wanted to have a shower so I went to the leisure centre, then sat in the park for awhile in the sun. We all went for a meal and it was a good night, think everyone enjoyed it.
By the end of June I needed a weeks holiday from work to re-charge by batteries to try and get some energy. Bobby came to stay for a couple of nights, he had finished in Cornwall and he decided to have a week off before asking the agency to send him off on his next chefs placement.
Bobby has ADHD and Cerebral Palsy, he stopped taking the drug for ADHD when he was about 18, he decided that he would rather try alcohol! I can understand to a certain point that he wanted to go out and socialise but at the age of 22 he has decided himself that he needs to go back on it. Before he left he bought me a lovely bouquet of flowers. I hear off Bobby nearly everyday, sometimes I feel like I'm living his life with him lol.
My week off went by too quick and before I knew it I was back in work.
The first weekend in July Katie and Matthew came down, bringing with them the new man in Katie's life, Ross. Ross did the traditional thing and asked Bob for his permission to marry Katie. It was a lovely weekend, we went for a meals out and to Aberdovey.
They decided that they will get married in May 2012. Katie and Matthew are very happy and Matthew gets on with Ross. To me Ross seems like a lovely man and easy to get on with and most of all he thinks the world of Katie and Matthew.
Also in July I found a foot lady! Due to the peripheral Neuropathy in my hand and feet, my feet blister and I have peeling skin all the time on my feet, which is quite sore. Bob used to "see to my feet" as I can't do it myself. When I walk it feels like I'm walking on broken glass and hot coals. My feet do get in a mess and they need to be looked after. Michelle is my foot lady, she charges £12 and she even paints my toe nails for me she comes to the flat every 4 weeks, I so love being pampered!
July was a bad M.E. month didn't have a lot of energy at all, spent most of my time in bed when I wasn't at work. Migraines also started again, I don't usually get them a lot but when I do the are monster of a migraine.
I found looking after myself really hard, I hadn't the energy to make proper meals so i bought fruit chocolate crisps etc, their was always something for me to eat but a lot of the time I hadn't even got the energy to eat. I just needed sleep. Restful sleep, to sleep a night through would be lovely, waking up feeling refreshed would be great, but it just doesn't happen. So a lot of July was a blur and passed me by. I did manage to buy Bob a fishing License, he was so bored and fed up, so he was quite pleased.
I did get hurt in July, very hurt. Someone who I had known for nearly 25 years came to visit Bob for a long weekend. Never visited me at all while he was in the area.They even went through Machynlleth a number of times. I had been very close to this person, done a lot of caring and comforting when bad things happened in his life, shared the good times, well some of them, and the bad times. I expected him to be loyal to Bob, but I have never even received a text saying "I am sorry, take care" There is no bad feeling between me and Bob, we even go for meals as I have said. But that did hurt.
I have come to the conclusion that I don't need people like that in my life. Life is hard enough for me, not that I'm moaning but I can be doing without that kind of hurt.
Bobby came for a few days in August, then went off to Scotland, near Loch Lomand.
I went to visit Katie, Ross and Matthew for a few days in Carmarthen, Katie had told me that she was expecting a baby in March before I went so I was excited and couldn't wait to see her.
I went on the bus from Aberystwyth, well I virtually slept all the way their,didn't seem like I was on the bus very long at all. We had a good few days, I got to know Ross, spent some time with my grandson. Also it was the first time I hadn't cried and also the first time I slept through the night!. I slept each of the 3 night I stayed. They both told me I snored too!
I was given a load of plums in work so I asked Bob to come and help me do them and together we made 7 plum crumbles. I gave him 4 to freeze and I froze the other 3.
We had 1 for a meal when he came round a few days later, was very nice..
Katie had her 12 week scan, our new grandchild is due 10th March 2012
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